we reached in, and nothing came out.

at best
we are like lions in our cages
at rest

we are living for the big deal
the cheap thrill
the endless fears and days blurred into one another.
cheap booze
and more coins to collect in our pockets

we rummage our minds
for something worthy

while I value your inability to be unresponsive
to my most burning questions and
You resent my ability to point out
your inability to be unresponsive.

yet, we burn
through the slick midnight streets
inebriated beyond ourselves
beyond imagination
turning corners
in every city
swooping down
like vultures

blood thirsty
for something bigger
and mightier
and explosive
and terrifying
and gorgeous
and brilliant
and just as lost
as

we are

and recall the moments
when we were almost close
to catching ourselves

but never just as quite.

Luck, or something like it.

I'm riding on luck
holding out my arms
to
an idea
or maybe just a dream
thats yet to manifest.

self sacrifice
and
emotional masochism:
i've got them down
in such a casual way

cause there's nothing more foreign
than you..
nothing more further
than the truth
than a man talking through
a telephone
just as much a stranger to me
as the people on the street

what a fool i have become
to feed such desperate dreams

or maybe
i'm just an undercover lover soon to be discovered.

better to stalk the truth
than live a lie,

i tell myself...

Seperation Perfected.

sleeping with loneliness
as my karma unfolds
thoughts entering like hurricanes
manifesting themselves
inside the movement of my dreams
unstable emotions
waiting for their cue
falling all over myself
head over heels but
I am still not in love
with you.
words broken off
into great rivers of silence
biding time
watching 4am skylines,
as empty rooms everywhere
keep secrets of our past
unfaithful lovers shift under covers
while Los Angeles searches
for truth.
head over heels
but
I am still
and won't ever be
in love with you.

Summary of an empty night

I laughed as he threw empty beer bottles into the neighbor’s yard, and it was close to midnight, on a Thursday, and the view from his balcony was refreshing but I felt it lacked something.

maybe it lacked love.

maybe it lacked truth.

i'm tired of the truth anyway.

but he says I'm fun and we danced to some obscure music, while I wondered if UFOs were circling above us, masked as stars and maybe somewhere in another lifetime or galaxy, a girl just like me was laughing, as a boy just like him, was throwing his soul into a void, just for her, and there she is completely clueless and laughing at it all because she knows all things come to an end, even this boy, who could be anyone, really,

and that's the truth.

but I'm tired of the truth!

so I kept drinking and dancing and daydreaming myself into a lubricated oblivion like another dimension that I'm always attempting to reach, or like real TRUE love giving you a push into your battered heart and begging for it to give up, give in and take the goddamn risk! While it’s on its knees now, I see it in the distance; a fast moving train heading straight towards me, a blinding flash of brilliance comes when it’s swirling in the blood....

I leaned my head back and waited for its sweet and tender kiss.

fortress