left the house this morning feeling optimistic. no idea why. these things just happen. Been trying to move past certain things that have felt like anchors, emotionally. everything once familiar, now gone. all swept up in one full motion. maybe things are best that way? forces you to think on your feet.
i arrive at work, already one cup of coffee in. i sit in front of the computer from 11am to 6pm or 8pm and sometimes 9pm when i really don't want to go home.
went out last night. been going out almost every night. not sure what i'm trying to find. but, overheard a close friend's conversation about me:
"yeah, her? she's rad. she's so tough! dont mess with her..."
makes me sad a bit. i understand i've done my part to uphold this image of a totally insane girl throwing punches and all that.
Although, its really all crap. anyone smart enough to look past it, can easily see a very confused girl, an ultra sensitive girl.
too damn sensitive, matter of fact. i wonder sometimes how i even make it through this world, when my heart weighs so heavy. its too much sometimes. these feelings are like tides, sweeping me up in its arms and carrying me away. i often feel tangled up in other people, lose myself and not being able to figure out whats true and whats false.
but this is the truth, as far as i can see (or feel for that matter)
and today i'm feeling optimistic.
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